Connection

At the end of last year I had some refreshing and restorative time away. It was a time of resting and allowed me some space to reflect on my 8 years of fostering and think about the years still ahead. I have come into the new year with clarity, feeling refreshed and with a clear head.

Instead of making plans and resolutions that generally fall in a heap by February, I decided on a different plan although in many ways still a resolution to make change. I found myself reading some posts where the writers were sharing their word for the year….I began to wonder if I could actually find a word for my year. Funnily enough it had been staring me in the face the whole time. The books I was reading, the desire screaming out from inside me to disconnect from the unimportant and connecting and reconnecting with the most important things.

So my word is CONNECTION.

You would think that in a world where we are better connected than ever I would not need to focus on connection, BUT the kind of connectedness I have found myself in with the world is so far from the real connection my soul deeply craves.

For those who have followed our journey the last 6 years you would well be aware of the stress, disruption, sheer exhaustion and mental strain that trauma has brought into our lives.

Somewhere along the way I got lost.

Somewhere along the way parts of me were stolen.

Somewhere along the way I lost sight of who I was and what is important.

First and foremost for me this year it will be a year to reconnect with my faith. Fostering in many ways has strengthened my faith as I have had to lean into God when all else has failed….and that’s it….all else has failed. Connecting is about going to God first not last, taking the time to read and pray and making that a priority rather than squishing it into a short space of the day, before I fall asleep and sometimes not even doing that because I’m just too tired. This year I long for a deeper understanding of God, who He is and what He has laid out for my future.

Next in connection is my husband and family. Fostering has taken us all on a ride….we are a team and we have all walked this together. However, this team has also missed out on my attention, they are strong and resilient and the most amazing humans I know BUT they also deserve more of the best of me not the leftovers. This year I am being very deliberate about spending time with each of them. Taking time to enjoy one on one time with them and building adult relationships.

My next connection goal is a plan to connect with friends. Since beginning fostering I have lost friends as they don’t understand what and how trauma has changed our lives, I have struggled at times to spend time with friends because we are now 50 somethings raising small children and most of our friends are entering empty nest stage and then there are some new friends I never would have made if I didn’t foster. I want to be able to take time and make it a priority to connect with my friends.

One phrase I hear more than any other is ‘I’m so busy and tired’. We are all in control of what we cram into our lives, many of us just keep packing in and running, packing and running! This year I want to connect with myself. What are the things that take my time, what are the things that zap my energy, what are the steps I can take to slow down and recharge every single day rather than when I am completely exhausted. How do I achieve a balance that works.

The year is already a month in and so far so good. I have taken time to relax and read, I have been on a date night with hubby that was enjoyable, I have spent some one on one time with my older adult children, we have shared a meal with friends from our past….way back when we were young and just starting out and I have shared a meal with a friend of 25 plus years. In each of these moments I have tried to enjoy and savour, disconnect from the world calling with all its distractions and enjoy the moment I am in right then. What I have discovered is that with connection comes joy. I am built for relationship, we all are, and in enjoying the relationships around me I am feeling less stressed, less tired, less drained, more peaceful and purposeful and way more relaxed.

The temptation will be to not let life take over again as the year progresses. My challenge will be to keep evaluating the things that creep in and try to interrupt my connecting and I think the greatest challenge will be stopping all the outside expectations from stealing my connection with what is the most important.