Picture this….my children joking and playing around at the dinner table talking about all the things they will claim in the event of my death, a few things were squabbled over and my daughter who lives over 2 hours away also brought into the discussion. This scene played out in my house a number of weeks ago now but since then I seem to have been reminded constantly of our ‘temporary-ness’ on this earth.
We don’t like to talk about death, because well really none of us want to think about anything other than being right here doing the very things we like doing. For me, the last few weeks have been very interesting and somewhat challenging at times as I have confronted the thought that I will not be here forever.
I have heard multiple stories of peoples lives cut short because of illness. I have numerous people in my wide circle who are currently fighting diseases which will ultimately see their lives cut short….and then I have one story that has affected me more than I imagined it would. Here is this story.
An acquaintance from my past, in fact a teacher who taught at a school that my children attended some 10 years ago was going about his life as you would. In the space of a week he became aware that he was unwell and within that week he passed away. Why has this had such a profound affect on me? I think because he was similar in age to me, I think because I get really busy with stuff and I don’t stop to think about the possibility that today could be my last day, I think because I like many others don’t like to think of a life cut short.
But what IS a life cut short? My nana died 2 years ago at the most amazing age of 100, my dad the year before that at age 76…would I say that either of their lives were cut short? What is the magical number at which a life is considered to not be cut short? Why is it that I live with the perception that I will live to be 100 (that’s what I’ve told my kids). Why do I not view my life as something so much more fragile and why do I waste so many hours of so many days, living like there will always be tomorrow.
I found myself thinking about what I would do differently if I had the knowledge that this would be my last few days, and I made a mental list.
- I’d want to spend time with people who were important to me
- I’d want people to feel free to come and say goodbye
- I’d want to pack my children’s lives with lots of love and a few living tips (just to help them not make the same mistakes I have)
- I’d want to reflect on my life and see that where it was possible by me that I was at peace with others
After making this mental list I thought about the affect my death would have on those around me. Who would turn up at my funeral, would I be surprised by people in attendance and those that were missing, what would they say about me and then how long would it take for me to just be a name uttered once in a while and remembered fondly.
As morbid as this all seems I actually have found it quite therapeutic to consider that my time on this earth WILL come to an end. I hope it has changed the way I am living right now, I hope I’m taking more interest in people, I hope I’m being more focussed on the really important things and not allowing myself to get drawn into the not so important!
Another favourite bible verse of mine is found in Psalm 90:12 “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom”……in other words let me evaluate the use of my time in light of the brevity of my life.
I want to live with a permanent temporary-ness, a mind set that today may be my last.
My Five
1. Something I read today – ‘The Time Travellers Wife’
2. The last text I sent today – to a friend
3. My moment for today – seeing a mama duck with a whole line of ducklings waddling behind her on the road to school
4. Something I smelt today – clean sheets…mmmm
5. Something I learnt today – how much I would receive if my husband was to die (in light of todays blog this is quite interesting…and I would much rather him here with me than the money!)
The days I've been given 